It matters not whether you are talking about a 5k, 15k, 50k or fill-in-the-blank- K, when mentioning an upcoming race, you will run into someone who feels any sort of long-distance running is “crazy” and they only run “if someone is chasing me!” HA HA. Ha.
As such, here is a list of phrases that if you ever hear someone mutter, I am giving you full permission to roll your eyes and shake your head. Better yet, just use one of these handy retorts.
• Any and ALL references to Forrest Gump. – Yes, we get it. A fictional character ran a whole bunch. How about you learn the name of an actual runner and call me that? Even mockingly!
• Running is bad for your knees – Actually, no it is not. But that creamed filled donut most assuredly is bad for your health. Worst case scenario for me? I limp. You? Death from a massive coronary.
• There simply isn’t enough time in the day for me to run. – Yes, fortunately, I live on that alternate planet which has more hours in its day than yours.
• I’ve never seen a runner smiling, so it can’t be fun. – Do you smile during sex?
• I don’t even want to drive that far. – Neither do I. That is why I run it instead.
• That’s just crazy. – Sitting at home, wasting away, creating a society of overweight adults and subsequently overweight children, making our medical bills skyrocket and health insurance impossible to afford for many as a result, while at the same time using more and more of the precious resources this planet has on it to continue to feed overindulgent eating and drinking habits, which in turn contribute to a weakening economy, pollution, climate change and decimating our own immune systems is, in my humble opinion, “crazy.” Going for a jog seems pretty damn sane.
• What are you running from? – You.
Then again, be thankful for the non-runners.
Without them, our faster friends would have no choice but to make fun of us instead.